04: One Thing To Do When You're On The Verge Of A Meltdown with Jessica Harrington

[00:00:00] Shanenn Bryant: 

[00:00:20] Shanenn Bryant: Welcome Jessica.

[00:00:22] Jessica Harrington: Welcome again. No, you're absolutely right. It, you know, it's a definitely a perfect introduction., We're professionals in what we do. We're gonna have bumps. And so, this is perfect example. We can definitely pull some pieces in here about how that was handled, maybe on all aspects. Um, but yeah, I'm a stress management coach.

[00:00:40] Jessica Harrington: I'm so excited to be on here because jealousy, anxiety, it really goes hand in hand with stress. Stress is such a trigger for when anxiety happens. It builds up, builds up and boom anxiety comes, jealousy comes. That's definitely a reaction. We were talking about reactions when comes jealousy. So, let's kinda get into it. I know when we were talking earlier, you mentioned earlier going to dinner.

[00:01:06] Jessica Harrington: So, you're at dinner with your significant other. And you see them talk to the waitress. For me, I had to say something to my man because he said honey, and it was just not something that I liked. It was just, it just was one of my triggers. But so maybe they say, honey, and you're just going... that's it. She's prettier than me. He wants to take her home tonight.

[00:01:30] Jessica Harrington: He's gonna get her number if I go to the bathroom. Um, he's definitely thinking about her as he's looking at me. Like, all these conversations are going through your head. So now what, because it's very easy to go "why are you looking at her"?" "Don't look at her"! Or the complete opposite where you just cry. You just cry.

[00:01:50] Jessica Harrington: And then they’re like, "well, what's wrong"? 

[00:01:54] Shanenn Bryant: Or you go into that jealous meltdown and unleash. 

[00:01:58] Jessica Harrington: Yeah. The other one, right when you're bringing the conversation up from six months ago. Well, my mom told me that she was gonna do this or when we were at that one barbecue, and you did this and he's like, what? Barbecue? What were you talking about? 

[00:02:10] Shanenn Bryant: Right. yeah. You were wearing the blue shirt and it was on a Thursday. Yes. 

[00:02:15] Jessica Harrington: The things that we can remember exactly. Right, exactly. We can bring all of that up, but we're not really getting to the root of the problem. We're not really talking about the problem.

[00:02:24] Jessica Harrington: So, what do we do when this is actually happening? So, I feel that gut punch for me, that's my first thought. It's worse than butterflies. I feel like that's the breath that your stomach gets is like a butterfly feeling. For me, it just feels like something's just being ripped open. Like, oh my gosh, I do not like this feeling.

[00:02:42] Jessica Harrington: And then for me, I get really tense in my throat and I mention all these things because it's our first sign. So, when these start to happen, what is happening for you? So, for me, then it feels like my throat is getting like tense. Like I just feel like I'm like, I can't swallow type feeling. So, when those are coming, I know that I'm going to react and probably not a healthy way.

[00:03:01] Jessica Harrington: So, I need to find a way to remove my situation. But maybe you're not there yet. Maybe you're going, I don't know any of this above. Like, I don't know what my stomach feels like. I don't know what my throat feels like. So what is it? So when you kinda start to feel the urge to react, whether it's screaming. Whether it's crying, what are we going to do? I always suggest walking away. I always suggest stepping out of the environment. It could be stepping outside. I usually suggest the restroom just because if you know, we use the word pressure cooker. If the pressure cooker is ready to burst and you just need some tears out, I say, get some tears out.

[00:03:39] Jessica Harrington: I'm not saying, sit on the floor and have a meltdown. You can definitely do that at a different time. But while you're at the restaurant, just let some tears out. Because if I do hold it in. I'm going to burst. So let some tears out, splash that cold water in your face and ask yourself these two questions.

[00:03:56] Jessica Harrington: Does this thought serve me? Does this serve me? Is me wondering...he's texting somebody or, you know, he's checking out the waitress or I'm not pretty enough, oh, you know, I've gained a lot of weight. It's probably what it is, or I didn't wear makeup today. Oh, my hairs really frizzy. Or, you know, doesn't think my jokes are funny. He thinks she's funny. Things like that. Just think, are these thoughts serving me and making me happy in this present moment, probably not.

[00:04:26] Jessica Harrington: And what is that one thing I can do? So whether I'm in the bathroom, Or I'm still sitting at the table. What is that one thing I could do? And literally one thing. Taking a deep breath walking away. 

[00:04:42] Shanenn Bryant: Yes. And one of the things we talked about was an experience that I had, that I remember like it was yesterday of being at a restaurant. I had already, of course identified the waitress who I thought he was gonna check out for sure.

[00:04:57] Shanenn Bryant: You know, I did that before we even sat down. I knew where all of my possible threats were and as soon as that happened, where I thought he looked that direction... I thought he was checking her out. I knew that I was on the verge of a meltdown, and I had that decision in my head. Like I have to get out of this situation.

[00:05:19] Shanenn Bryant: Do I take myself to the restroom and just try to cool off a little bit, as you said, relieve that pressure cooker? But I was also worried about leaving because I was afraid, I was going to miss what was going on. So, do I leave? Do I stay? And I will tell you, I made the decision to go to the restroom and it did make a big difference in the way that I was then able to handle the situation when I came back.

[00:05:46] Jessica Harrington: Yes. And so, two things there. One, congratulations on leaving, cause it's not the easiest, like you said, if I'm there, then I'm going to catch them, I'm going to catch them in action and I'm going to be right. The thing is, I can't control how other people react. And we were talking about like the different lenses. 

[00:06:03] Jessica Harrington: So, you know, we get a car accident. I'm driving, you're in the passenger seat. That's my first car accident I've ever been in. You have lost a family member to a car accident. We're going to experience this two different ways. Two different ways and it's because we have different past experiences. So you used the word lens. I'm seeing it differently.

[00:06:28] Jessica Harrington: You're seeing him flirt and be so cutey with another woman. He's just answering questions and that's it, period, with a smile on his face and just not a straight face. Right. And so all of a sudden, it's, oh, well, that's it he's smiling. It must be it; you know? 

[00:06:46] Shanenn Bryant: Yes. And I've had so many conversations with my girlfriends who don't experience jealousy and there's something that I may have gotten upset about and they're like, "that never would even cross my mind or register with me to be upset about something". And that's when us as jealousy junkies start to think. See, that's what I mean, I'm quote unquote, "not normal". I just want to be normal like everyone else. But if she said she didn't like the same music as me, I wouldn't take it the same way.

[00:07:22] Shanenn Bryant: You know, if I liked a song and she was like, oh, that doesn't even appeal to me. I wouldn't take it so harshly on myself that like, oh, well she doesn't like the same music as me. What's wrong with my music choices. But we do it when it comes to comparing ourselves to how other women handle their relationships or what they react.

[00:07:42] Jessica Harrington: It's such a valid point because you're absolutely right. You know, I'm a very active person. I love being outside. I wanna walk, I have a gym in my house. Like I, I wanna keep moving. My girlfriends are like listen; I'll bring the bottle of wine to sushi. You call me later. Okay. Awesome. You know, but it doesn't make us have a bad relationship. They don't look at me weird. I don't look at them weird. You know, that's just where we connect. We connect, you know, like you said, I have some that I'm country fans, some of them are like, please don't ever invite me to a country concert. So, you know, we have those different ways that we're connecting with our friends. But when it comes to relationships with a significant others, or it comes to our beauty standards, it's the first thing we think about and a lot of it has to do with our society, especially social media.

[00:08:27] Jessica Harrington: But even back in the day, you know, I just saw a couple videos about the Olson twins back in the nineties and when they were so skinny and that was the ideal body. And then you had Jessica Simpson who was maybe thicker and I'm definitely air quoting over here and it's, oh, well, she needs to lose weight and she's not healthy.

[00:08:47] Jessica Harrington: And you know, we're saying all these things. And so, it's society that's telling us some of these things. Or maybe it's our past relationships. Could be our parents. Could be siblings, past friends, past significant others. Those are still in our heart. Those are things that still matter to us.

[00:09:05] Jessica Harrington: And we're going to bring them with us into new relationships until we really heal on them. So, what do we do? How do we do this? 

[00:09:14] Jessica Harrington: So, we talked about being in the moment and saying, alright, I'm going to walk away. I'm going to ask, does this thought serve me? What is the one thing I could do in this situation?

[00:09:27] Jessica Harrington: If you pass all those and you're like, check, check, check. I'm doing awesome. What is the one thing that's bothering you about the situation? Cause when I leave the restroom and splashed the cold water on my face. When I go back and tell him, this made me upset, how do I know? So really thinking about what part of that triggered me. For me, it was "honey".

[00:09:51] Jessica Harrington: I didn't like that. It was like, oh, thanks honey. I didn't like it. I didn't like that pet name he was giving other bartenders or waitresses. Right. And so, I felt myself feeling a certain way. And so, I said something, I said, I just really don't like the "honey". I don't know. I can't tell you what about it.

[00:10:09] Jessica Harrington: But I know that just makes me feel icky. And his reaction was, my bad. I won't say it. Right, right. But if I would've come back and said, you're saying, honey, you call everybody else honey, you don't have me a pet name. Completely different. Right? 

[00:10:25] Jessica Harrington: Because we've been there. We've been there. Or I remember six months ago at that fun barbecue, and you're wearing those shorts and you called her honey, and I just did not like it. And he's going... what's happening, what just happened? 

[00:10:36] Shanenn Bryant: Yeah. We go to our way back machine and pull all of the proof out when we're heated. 

[00:10:42] Jessica Harrington: Yes. Right. And think about that. If I'm now yelling at him, especially in a public environment, what is his reaction going to be? Most likely defensive; most likely. But if I say, hey, I feel this way, when this happens, it's completely different.

[00:11:03] Jessica Harrington: So, taking the accountability again, I don't know why that specific word makes me feel icky, but it did. So, I don't know necessarily needs to know the answer on why, why, why, why? Like all the why's, but I just know, I don't like it. It goes right to my gut. I don't like it. And I, I, I don't want to being said, and it was just that simple. 

[00:11:23] Shanenn Bryant: You know, we talked about this about just the one thing we can do to even switch up our response differently, even by a little, and the difference between reaction and response.

[00:11:40] Shanenn Bryant: So even having one tool or one thing in your mind that, you know, I'm going to do this when I'm triggered. It will change, even if it's slightly your response to that situation and where that comes in so helpful. And thank you for sharing it is because now, um, you know, jealousy carries so many emotions. Self-conscious emotions like shame, guilt, embarrassment is a big one.

[00:12:11] Shanenn Bryant: And so, then we may save ourselves from some of that shame, guilt, embarrassment of whatever it was that we did in the moment by just taking a second to either, like you said, go to the restroom, excuse ourself, to the restroom. Have just a second relieve that pressure cooker and then go back out when you've, even if it's just a little bit okay, I've given myself a second, collected my thoughts. I'm going to go back out.

[00:12:37] Jessica Harrington: Right? Yeah. Collecting your thoughts, going back out, release the pressure cooker. Think about again, like you keep saying and I said, you said that one thing, because in that moment it's a lot going on. And it's quick, it's quick. Those moments are so quick, that pressure cooker is ready so quick.

[00:12:55] Jessica Harrington: And so, realizing the ways that you do respond and do react, you know, I was saying that physical reaction is the first sign what's happening. Okay. I'm feeling it. I'm feeling it feeling. I know that tears are coming. My face is starting to swell. I know it. I know it. So, learning that first sign and when I can walk away.

[00:13:13] Jessica Harrington: So, given that one thing I can do, but also I named a couple different one things. Because some of them might not be realistic in that moment. Maybe you just left the bathroom, and you can't go back in right? Then they're going to go, why am I getting up twice? So maybe you went to the bathroom, you saw him, you know, do like that shoulder tap.

[00:13:32] Jessica Harrington: You ever seen those ones? Like the shoulder and you're in the moment you just went to the bathroom. You looked at yourself? Oh, my gosh, I had spinach in my teeth, and he probably saw it. My one love handle over here is lopsided. I have my lunch lady arms out. He doesn't like me. And then I hear him go, "Thanks Sue, we had a good time today". That's it! He's been talking to her. He just got her number. 

[00:13:58] Jessica Harrington: So, you can't go back to the bathroom. So, what is the one thing I could do? Take in that breath? Asking if this thought serves me and what about this situation is making me upset. And in that moment, it could be, well, you know, I don't really feel pretty today. I saw, you know, you put your hand on, on my waitress and I just, I just felt I had these feelings come up that I, I wasn't good enough for you tonight.

[00:14:29] Shanenn Bryant: Yeah, it made me feel insecure because I was already feeling insecure about myself. 

[00:14:33] Jessica Harrington: Exactly. And so, bringing it back on me, because these are my feelings, these are my thoughts. This is my lens. So, it's that accountability piece. If I want him to take accountability or whoever I'm talking to about it, I need to do it for myself too.

[00:14:45] Jessica Harrington: So, I need to say where I stand and what actions led me there. And again, this could be from so many past experiences, but this is where I feel right here. Right now. 

[00:14:54] Shanenn Bryant: Right. And they are not thinking the same way as we are, especially for the listeners who they're already probably anxious, just going to dinner anyway, or can be because they're worried about what's gonna happen.

[00:15:11] Shanenn Bryant: What are they gonna do? What is my partner gonna do? So, it is all consuming in our mind. Our partner just thinks we're going for sushi. Like that's what they're thinking, you know? And we're already like who who's here or she gonna look at? What's gonna happen? I'm gonna get upset. I'm going to ruin the evening.

[00:15:31] Shanenn Bryant: It it's all consuming in us. And so, I think a lot of times, you know, when we're heated in that moment without taking a moment, as you mentioned, they can get very defensive because it's out of nowhere, most likely to them. Now later, if they've experienced it enough times, they may be nervous as well. So, I mean, there could be that scenario too, but typically it's coming out of nowhere because they're not thinking like we're thinking it's not top of mind for them.

[00:16:00] Jessica Harrington: It's not, it's not. And so kinda, really going into that. Coming back out of it. So now you have this conversation and he's like, I just was saying, thank you. I, I, I apologize that's how I made you feel, but that was not my intention. It's being able to say, do you want to continue the conversation?

[00:16:20] Jessica Harrington: And we still, you know, some of us still don't feel completely back together. And I think that's the next piece that some of us, um, misunderstand some of our body. Right. So it could be that you feel unresolved. A lot of the times when we go through this stressful situation is, think about it as a rollercoaster. You go up the rollercoaster, you go down a rollercoaster, you do loops, all those things in between.

[00:16:44] Jessica Harrington: And when you get off 10 minutes, 15 minutes later, your stomach's still kind of going back down to normal. You're still coming back down. So, remembering in the moment... so we have that interaction. I feel this way, when this happens, he responds, I apologize. This is, was my way of doing that. The conversation's over.

[00:17:04] Jessica Harrington: You might still feel that stomach going on. I suggest going, I appreciate you. You know, I was able to say this. I still feel a little weird. Let's just shake it off. We can shake it off. However, you want to communicate that. You can still have those feelings in that stomach. 

[00:17:23] Jessica Harrington: So, realize that sometimes when you still have that unresolved feeling Consider... is it unresolved or am I just coming off that rollercoaster of emotions and it's still sitting in my stomach. So, I think we get really, um, we overlook. We go, oh, well, I'm still feeling it so I must be right. And my spidey senses are on. 

[00:17:44] Shanenn Bryant: I love that analogy and it makes so much sense after hearing you say that, because we may still feel like, no, I need to talk about this more. And I need to, I wanna get out of this feeling so badly, but maybe if we just let it settle for a minute.

[00:18:06] Shanenn Bryant: Then we're in a completely, like, it's not, it's not there anymore. It's just the residual of that. 

[00:18:13] Jessica Harrington: Exactly. And that settling. Think about what's happening there. Again, this is different from something that you do every single day to that once in a while one, right? We all have the once in a while, one member that's completely normal.

[00:18:25] Jessica Harrington: It happens. It's what we do in response to it. So, if I keep reliving that situation, I'm not letting myself settle. I'm still riding that rollercoaster. So, I'm not giving my time to just go whoo. 

[00:18:42] Jessica Harrington: I'll honest with you. We're doing honesty here. I had my moment yesterday. I felt a little ick. My man was away all weekend, and it was Father’s Day.

[00:18:53] Jessica Harrington: I bartend as well, and I missed out the event. So, I just texted him. I said, I don’t know why I just feel so odd right now. I feel really anxious. I don't like that I'm missing this. You're out there with other people. I just, I just feel very, Ugh. And so, what did he do? He Face Timed me. He was very scattered because he's out on the lake, but you know, he Face Timed, 

[00:19:21] Jessica Harrington: Hey, I'm here. What do you need from me? You know? But I was able to say it. We get off phone call and as sweet as that was that he, you know, wanted to remind me and all that stuff. And I can list you all the sweet things that he said, but my stomach was still going. Right. It got off. And I was like, OK, Jess, you know, I have to calm myself back down.

[00:19:42] Jessica Harrington: I did my breathing. I did my journaling. I called a friend. I pulled my tools out of my toolbox because I had to go to work. 

[00:19:50] Shanenn Bryant: So valuable what you're saying right now, because I think that's where it gets into the extreme and habitual, because then we continue to respond to how our stomach is feeling, the anxiety, our throat, our just our gut feeling.

[00:20:10] Shanenn Bryant: And then we start responding again. So, okay. He made me feel good, but I still don't feel a hundred percent. So how else do I need to feel good or get him to make me feel good or do something to make me feel good? And then we just don't let it go away. 

[00:20:27] Jessica Harrington: We don't want to go. Cause we just keep rebuilding.

[00:20:29] Jessica Harrington: We keep rebuilding, we keep adding stuff to the fuel and we're going, why don't I feel better? We gotta let it go. You're literally reliving the scenario. Do you ever retell a story? Maybe it was a painful story or a scary story. I was home alone, and I was going down the basement and you can literally feel like the hair going back up in your neck again.

[00:20:48] Jessica Harrington: Cause you're reliving the story. Your body doesn't know the difference. So, you're retelling it. Oh, I got the chills again. Well, yeah, because you're reliving the situation. So that's what's gonna happen and we got to give ourselves that time to settle. Now, other point. So, you settle. Day goes by and it still might be in your gut.

[00:21:12] Jessica Harrington: What do we do two days happen? It was back then. This is when that being by yourself, drinking the hot coffee when it's hot is really important because there might be something about this situation still bothering you. And a lot of it goes back to the stress, the insecurities and really a lot of your own self-love.

[00:21:39] Shanenn Bryant: Mm-hmm can you explain the drink in the coffee while it's hot? What do you mean? 

[00:21:44] Jessica Harrington: Yes. Yes, of course. So that's my favorite scenario because I think a lot of us make the cup of coffee and then we go take care of the kid. We go do laundry. We go answer emails. And it's very much.. Where did I put that coffee?

[00:21:58] Jessica Harrington: Did I make coffee? Sometimes some of us remake another cup of coffee. Some of us open the microwave and then there's the coffee from who knows when. Yesterday? Today? I didn’t know that coffees in there, so we might make another cup of coffee. And so it's really taken those two minutes a day to drink the cup of coffee when it's hot. Drink it when it’s hot. 

[00:22:21] Jessica Harrington: Now If you like ice coffee and you, you get what I'm saying? You get what I'm saying. You know, drinking the coffee when it's hot, taking those two minutes for yourself and really processing where you're at today, really processing what you need today. What I needed yesterday is not what I need today.

[00:22:40] Jessica Harrington: Yesterday, I woke up you a little anxious. Maybe it was because I was home alone, and I wasn't going to see him. That makes me sad. Of course. It makes me sad. I'm gonna react in a certain way because of it. Today we talked, I saw him, we had coffee this morning. I'm good. It's a different day. So, checking in with myself, seeing what I need and how am I gonna get it?

[00:23:03] Jessica Harrington: It's that one action step. What can I do? So, it's just those two minutes a day with yourself. 

[00:23:09] Shanenn Bryant - Jealousy Junkie: Yes. And it's so important because when we are jealous and we're in that habitual mode, we have the extreme jealousy, our focus is 99.9% on the other person continuously. Where are they? Who are they talking to? What are they doing? How do they feel about me? How's our relationship? They did this. They did not do this. That we rarely are thinking about ourselves, much less what we need. So, taking that time and everyone hears that, you know, take time for yourself. But especially in this situation, because until you can bring yourself out of it, the other 99% or 98% of your day is gonna be focused on the other person.

[00:24:00] Jessica Harrington: And you hit on something there too.

[00:24:01] Jessica Harrington: So yes, we spend a lot of our time with other people. We take care of the husband, take care of the kids, the dog, the house, aunt, cousin, best friend, the list goes on. But you also mentioned something of, we're told this all the time. We're told to eat healthy. We're told to take care of ourselves. We're told to take time for ourselves. So, we know why we should drink a lot of water. We know why we should eat healthy, but why the heck should I take time for myself? Why is this two minutes important? Why do I tell my clients to go have lunch by themselves. 

[00:24:37] Shanenn Bryant - Jealousy Junkie: Oooh, Jessica! 

[00:24:38] Jessica Harrington: (Laughter) We're a work in progress. We work up to it. Not every client, you know, it depends on your goals. But taking that time for yourself.

[00:24:50] Jessica Harrington: Listen, I will say, go take lunch by yourself. That might be a whole other podcast. I went to a bed and breakfast for a weekend by myself. Girl, you gotta go do it. You gotta do it.

[00:24:59] Jessica Harrington: But why? But why? So, think about this. And we'll do significant others cause it's pretty easy to do it this way. You're in that moment with your husband, your significant other, and they're saying, what do you want?

[00:25:13] Jessica Harrington: And you're telling them... Well, I just wanna be happy, I just want you to do something nice for me. What does that even mean? Those two lenses, again. What I say makes me happy or what I say is being nice. It's gonna be completely different. I might want flowers every day. I might want you to make me my coffee. I might want that weekly date night.

[00:25:41] Jessica Harrington: But for you, you're like, please don't ever buy me flowers. I don't like them. The smell of them is annoying. I have to water them. No thank you. So, it's two different things. So, when I'm spending time with myself, I'm learning what I want and need. So, I'm learning. But in the morning, I need those 10 minutes, just me. Just me, nobody else. I wanna be the first one awake in the house because that means a lot to me. Sitting and watching the sunrise. Ugh. That is me girl. Let me be there. But how are they supposed to know if I don't know? 

[00:26:18] Shanenn Bryant - Jealousy Junkie: It's kind of that whole, like, how do you like your eggs? Well, it depends on who I date, you know, who I'm dating sort of because that's just what we do, right? Like, well, there was one point where my favorite was scrambled eggs and now it's an omelet. 

[00:26:31] Jessica Harrington: Exactly. So again, going back to my clients. A lot of times, it's what makes you happy? What's the goal you want? And a lot of 'em say, well, I wanna be happy. Well, what does that look like for you? Well, I don’t know. OK. well, then we have somewhere to start. 

[00:26:45] Jessica Harrington: Because a lot of that jealousy again is coming from stress. It's coming from insecurities. It's from self-love. Self-love is so important. And if you don't mind, I wanna a little tangent on self-love. The things that we tell ourselves. So, I'm at the restaurant. He says, oh, thank you, honey.

[00:27:04] Jessica Harrington: The pressure cookers coming. I go to the restroom and now I'm nitpicking at myself. You're ugly. You're fat. No one loves you. Why did you pick this dress? Oh my God. Did you even attempt to shave your legs today? How did you miss that spot? Right? Did you wanna get a pedicure or you just want to claw somebody?

[00:27:23] Jessica Harrington: You're saying all these horrific things. Oh, you're so stupid. Can you laugh a little bit louder right. You're saying all these things. And I always say, I want you to make a list of all those things that you just said to yourself in that bathroom. And I want you to put your Dear Best Friend at the top.

[00:27:41] Jessica Harrington: Dear mom at the top, Dear Sister. And would you send a letter saying, Dear Sister, you're ugly? Why did you pick that dress? Oh my God. Those calves are huge. Do you know you're stupid? Would you ever say that to someone that you love, care or respect? 

[00:28:00] Shanenn Bryant - Jealousy Junkie: No. No.

[00:28:04] Jessica Harrington: But we on almost a daily basis, say it to ourselves.

[00:28:09] Shanenn Bryant - Jealousy Junkie: We send that letter to ourselves every single day. Every day, we have to read that letter every day.

[00:28:15] Jessica Harrington: Every day. And what does that do if I keep reading and telling myself that? I'm not worth it, I'm unloved. I'm going to start to believe it more and more. 

[00:28:27] Shanenn Bryant - Jealousy Junkie: Mm-hmm yeah. I'm not worthy of it. Why would anyone want to be with this? 

[00:28:31] Jessica Harrington: And if I'm telling myself that, that means I'm saying my standards are knee length. They're low. I'm saying my standards are low. Someone else coming in my life is gonna... you think they're gonna go higher? No way, no way. You just said I am bare minimal and that's all I care about. Just meet me at bare minimal. Well, alright. No, this is my standards. I'm up high and not like I'm looking down on you. No, I want certain things in my life. These things make me happy. This is where I want you to meet me. 

[00:29:05] Shanenn Bryant - Jealousy Junkie: Yes. And no one's going to really go out of their way or be in that mode of like, well, I'm gonna give you the moon when your expectation is way below that.

[00:29:18] Jessica Harrington: Yeah. It's way below that right? And so, I always say we set the standards for how others show up for us. So, if I'm saying this is what I want in my life, this is what I need in my life, they're gonna meet it. And if they don't, that is okay. And that's where we get really confused sometimes. I mean, I have too high of a standard, so then I have to lower them. No, you don't. 

[00:29:47] Jessica Harrington: We all know that one friend that you have to take their shoes off before you go in their house. There's no shoes allowed in the house. We all know that one friend. We know that one friend, we cannot eat in their car. There's no eating in my car. We all have these friends. I still go to their place. I still come to their house for barbecues. I still let them drive me around. Right, 

[00:30:34] Jessica Harrington: Because as you, as a jealous junkie, a lot of the times our standards are a lot lower. They're not even there yet. We'll pay the tab. I'll do it. I'll drive. I'll pick out the date and everything you just show up. 

[00:31:04] Jessica Harrington: Guess what? That's all they're doing. They're just showing up. They're not putting in any effort. Right. And we deserve that effort. We deserve that comfort, those conversations. 

[00:31:18] Shanenn Bryant - Jealousy Junkie: Yes. That certainly could be the case for sure.

[00:31:24] Shanenn Bryant - Jealousy Junkie: Jessica, I loved our conversation. You helped us so much with the stress management and then the self-love piece of it. Thank you for bringing such valuable tips. 

[00:31:36] Shanenn Bryant - Jealousy Junkie: I know that you're running a fundraiser in October. You want to talk about that real quick before we go? 

[00:31:43] Jessica Harrington: Yes, of course. So, every year for my business anniversary, I do a fundraiser for Suicide Prevention Awareness Foundation. I think that goes hand in hand with my mission with self-love and stress management prevention. And so, every year I, um, raise money for it. I would love to raise double what I raised last year. Yeah. So, I will provide you with the link. It's super easy. It's the direct link. You click it, and, you know, whatever, a dollar, whatever you want. Whatever’s convenient for you. I really appreciate the word just getting out. It’s a really important foundation to me. 

[00:32:23] Shanenn Bryant - Jealousy Junkie: Absolutely. And thank you so much for supporting us in our conversation today, Jessica Harrington. Thank you so much.